I just need to get this off my CHEST!

well HELLO!! it's been a long time since I've stopped by and told the world what's going on.

Since August...I think that's my last post. I've fallen off,slipped up,gone up, tripped up, tripped out, & came back to my inspirational senses. (we'll get to those in a minute)

OFF MY CHEST:

As some of you know I have grown this new found relationship with God, yes God...not religion. Religion post boundaries on the possibilities of God. As a song line states,"all religion made of me was a sinner with a stone tied to my feet." I just feel like I need to tell the world...aka...my readers...aka...my friends, I know that not everyone knows God, believes in God or cares that I do but I just want you to know that because of HIM I've become a BETTER person/friend/sister/daughter/co-worker/lover...etc & I am so thankful for that. I promise that I will respect you in how you view God, but please respect that I <3 HIM!! for everything HE is.

I value my friends a lot, especially my sisters and when I first started trying to wlk my Christ walk, I was hesitant to share that with my sisters. my sisters?? really? the people that love me for all my flaws, my stupidity, my insecurities. Yes I was afraid to talk about God to you,even in passing because I didn't want to upset you. But then I started thinking if they loved me then, why can't they love me now?! I hope you guys can still love me regardless of what I believe in. This isn't meant to come off in any other way besides honest. I LOVE you ladies. always & forever.

INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHTS:

As I've been growing and learning, I've come to a couple of revolutions. I think they can apply to anyone regardless what they believe in:

1) we are not here to be alone (if we were we wouldn't have friends/sisters)
2)you only live once so....

make it count. do something that will leave ppl talking about how great u were as a person....no one is going to remember anything else about you. only the way u made them feel on a personal level. 

3)make mistakes learn from them and grow...
4)let ppl be ppl and cont.to keep them in your thoughts
5)don't do something u don't want ppl finding out about 
6)try giving & helping others...that reward is greater & more satisfying then satisfying urself. :) i promise
7)life is short, stop planning...planning didn't work out the way you wanted it to before...um it won't now either...just live. 
8)wake up and look outside and smile the world awaits you!!
9) the supporting actress/actor is just as important as the lead
10) why gain the whole wide world, if you are just gonna lose your soul?! 

MY LIFE:


I was in the ER Friday night, with chest pains & short of breath. HOURS HOURS HOURS later they found nothing wrong with me. I still have a hard time breathing. I went in Friday night at 8 got out at 6:50 sat. morning & guess what? I went to work. yep!! trying to stay focus and pay bills. I WAS EXHAUSTED. 


I went to the Voice Specialist today,turns out my chords are swollen (which I knew) and I need voice therapy; I start in two wks. My ENT told me in as lie words as possible...quit your job it's going to ruin you vocals. So yeah, I gotta get on that!! It's just motivation to move on! THANK YOU GOD! gotta leave that place. 


I am currently planning open mic at my church dec 3rd, I am sooo excited. I've been asking for something to validate my talents,not that they need to be validated but what better way to use my gifts! 


As some of you know my bro is coming out of jail soon, Jojo got a car! She works for a doc's office and the doc had a leather interior, 2000-2002 mini van, keyless entry, automatic, vcr/tv how much you ask?? um $100.00 bucks! yeah you read that right!! it was def an awesome GIFT!! 


well friends, I <3 you dearly. stay real...it's all we have left. 


j-bo. <3

The Sermon!

So I've been convinced, instructed & told that I need to do a blog. I have lil to say lately, life just isn't that fascinating here in Orlando. Actually, life could be fascinating but lately I've been practicing SELF DESTRUCTION. phewww now the world knows, I'm just as SCREWED up as the rest of them lol. Webster calls self destruction:

–noun

1. the destruction or ruination of oneself or one's life.

2. suicide. 

yep, real talk...suicide. I thought suicide meant the end of life, the end of breathing lil did I know I've been committing suicide, yet I'm still alive, still breathing. Dang, what's worse? complete death or walking around feeling like you are. Anyways, I've been practicing self destruction lately. I've lost about 45 pounds since I've been home. Eating better, exercising, sleeping, not allowing stress into my life but lately I've been doing the opposite. I've worked so hard to get to where I was (where I am, where I'm trying to stay at) and lately I've been slawing-out (slippin') just letting everything go. I don't sleep, I'm sick, I'm hoarse all the time, I'm sleep walking eyes open. The world? The world is functioning and I'm waiting to jump in....thing is I've been waiting FOREVER! I've been missing out on opportunities, left & right. I lately have NO time for myself and when I do get time, I try to find anything to get in the way of my free time. Then later I'm angry because I sacrificed my time for someone or something else. I don't really go out with friends (don't really have those) bc I'm exhausted. Exhausted from what though? I have no idea. I guess the body and mind is smarter then I thought. They too feel tired of feeling tired. Here I thought it was only the spirit and soul that felt that. 

Honest truth I can feel it in my bones that I am destined for GREAT things. Seriously, ever since I was a child I could taste it. God has something HUGE for me and I know that once I get there I'm going to ask God, if he really intended me to be that great or do such great things; I believe that. Yet, lately I've been telling myself that I am not capable for greatness, that sometimes ppl are just meant to be at the lower market of the totem pole (that someone has to do it). The devil is feeding me LIES! and I was believing his dumb behind. Then I went to church this morning. The sermon was STRAIGHT FIRE, as it usually is. The pastor spoke about how we need to have Faith in God that he will provide, that he will never be late and no matter how long we've been waiting he'll get there on time. Sometimes we want things before our time, we get it, mess it up & wonder why it wasn't as GREAT as we thought it would be. Um if it's not your time it's not your time! But hold up, I've also learned that even God says "be still" he doesn't mean stay still. In other words, DON'T BE A BUM AND SIT ON YOUR BUTT and think God is going to give you a new job just because YOU want it. life and things are just not that easy. 

Enough with the whining! Someone please get me some cheese to go with that whine! Or better yet, get me some wine to numb the whine; skip the cheese. What am I doing to change it? well for starters I'm going swimming tomorrow. I have to start working out again, I can feel the heaviness on my body. After tonight I'm going to start going to bed earlier so that I can at least get 8 hrs sleep  & no MORE junk food. As far as what am I going to do with my free time? hmmmm start focusing on my music and um def a new job. The job is starting to get to me. Don't get me wrong I'm thankful to have a job but I'm tired of not being able to do something for them except what I do. I'm tired of hearing sly remarks like "I hope you feel good about yourself when you stretch out your hand for your government check.

I can't promise that I"m going to change over night; I wish I could. But I can promise that  I'll try my hardest to change for the better and stop all this self destruction. 

HMMMM I guess I did have much to say. Funny how life's lessons make you go insane but help you deal with insane situations later. :)